If your son or daughter came home and told you that they were ready to give up every piece of who they were for the love of their life.
What would you say?
I’m guessing you would likely advise against this. I know I would.
Yet this is where I found myself. But it wasn’t my son or my daughter who had given themselves up it was me. And I had done it for my sons, my daughters and my husband.
Please do not be mistaken. I LOVE my children and husband. But a few years ago I found myself in a place I NEVER thought I would be. I had become THAT mom who had lost herself.
Of course I still had friends. But I never had real time for them. Of course the occasional happy birthday call, or the visit with kids where we never really got to talk to connect.
There were many days I launched myself out of bed to take care of everyone but me. I would fall into bed at the end of the day having never brushed my teeth.
My kids always looked nice but I am sure I looked like a hot mess. Hair thrown up in a ponytail, barely a shower taken and makeup forget the ONE makeup item that used to be a staple.
And if you think I had time for the gym, a massage or mani/pedi, think again. I had four kids age four and under. My life was nursing, diapering, potty training, cooking, tidying (I would never have managed without a housekeeper), bathing and playdates.
I could do it all until the wrench of a sick kid was thrown in the mix. Then I was a wreck. I mean let’s be honest, I was a wreck anyway but I thought I was managing pretty well given the circumstances.
Throughout the years I had bit and pieces of help. A babysitter here, a neighbor there but nothing that would really give ME time. I appreciated all of it but the reality was because of my inability to accept real help I was losing more and more of the person I was before I became a mother.
Ask anyone who knew me. Being a mother was one of my big resaons for having been put on this earth, for this I am sure.
I LOVE LOVE LOVE being a mother, it is one of the greatest gifts God has given me. But in accepting the gift I lost myself.
I have been on a journey back to rediscovering myself, filling my well and embacing that I can not be everything for everyone without regard for myself.