Helping your kid learn to recognize their feelings requires you to be able to recognize your own feelings.
This is a tough one. So often we have been raised in environments that have taught us to ignore, deny, reject or push away our feelings.
I have been thinking about this whole topic a lot recently. Because, after a less than flattering incident, I spent time thinking about what feelings and emotions created that situation.
Because I have been paying attention to this more in myself, I have also been noticing some disconnection in my kids.
Over the weekend I had the amazing opportunity to spend three hours walking with a college friend. It was a glorious summer morning, blue skies, cool temps and a shining sun.
As we walked we talked about lots of different topics, but my friend shared some very personal struggles they had been navigating this past year.
As we talked my friend shared the disconnect they had been feeling from people and from their own emotions. They talked about how they blamed everyone else for their unhappiness but when they were able to pull back the layers a bit they could see how their inability to recognize and acknowledge their own emotions was the primary driver of their personal struggle.
Learning to recognize one’s own emotions is a powerful tool, but it’s not one that comes without practice and vulnerability. My friend and I agreed that change takes time and practice and we live in a world that doesn’t celebrate vulnerability. Actually I think society does everything in its power to inhibit vulnerability because it’s too exposing.
The most powerful way to recognize feelings and emotions is to put a name to the emotion. I find that sometimes stopping and sitting in that uncomfortable feeling can help us move through the emotion. Society doesn’t really encourage us to slow down and in our instant gratification laced society slowing down to understand where the feeling is coming can feel jarring.
The other day, one of my kids was upset, and as they were talking to me about their feelings, they were putting more and more food into their mouth. This child had just finished dinner and was back popping potatoes because they were upset and not because they were hungry, although that was the line given to me. When I suggested that maybe they weren’t hungry and just frustrated the child acknowledged that it was possible I was right.
As I thought about this kid, even with all the academic intelligence they possess, the disconnect from emotions is sure to cause challenges and problem in the future. It was so clear that all the intellectual gift this kid possesses there in ability to connect with their feelings is problematic.
The power we all possess resides in our heart, but getting through our brains and the thoughts to be able to access the power is a lifelong journey.
There are some tools you can use to help your child develop their emotional intelligence. One of the most powerful tools is to begin to gain awareness of how your actions are impacting others.
We need to be considerate of others and recognize how our actions impacts other and how those actions are received by others. This is the beginning of developing self awareness which is one of the most powerful tools in beginning to recognize our emotions and the emotions of others.
Sending love,
Mirsada
Pssstttt….if you are feeling like your tank is more empty at this point in the summer, don’t worry you are not alone. You are AWESOME and your kid is SOO lucky to have YOU!
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