When I was seven or eight years old, I had a close friend in school named Miriam Klilyoyo. Her dad likely worked with the UN or some multinational cause, as she only lived in my town for a few years. However, nearly four decades later, I still remember our friendship and how she made me feel.
As I watched my kids say goodbye to dear friends, I knew that even with distance, the feeling of friendship and love would not fade into history. My experience with Miriam proves that, as even after all these years, I still think about her.
As seasoned travelers, it is not always easy to recognize how unsettling change can be, as it is a significant part of our lives as expats. Even with all the preparations I made and the arrangements I put in place, the last week of our move was tough.
There were nights of sleeping on the floor with mattresses, late nights, less nutritious meals than we are used to, and overall tired parents and kids.
Lack of sleep, poor nutrition, and lack of movement significantly contribute to dysregulation (an overall sense of unease in the body). Moving contributes to a lack of all these things, which causes more disharmony and unease for everyone in the house.
When wrapping up your life and putting it in a container, it is hard to prevent an overall sense of unease in our bodies. One thing I have done over the years is to try and build awareness of what is causing some of this unease so that when everyone is feeling like they have less to give, we can think of ways to course-correct.
Moving is unsettling for everyone, and it impacts us all in different ways. Being aware and helping our kids understand what is contributing to their big feelings is really powerful.
As my kids said goodbye to dear friends they made over the last few years, I understood. I, too, had to say goodbye to people I cherish. I also saw how particularly my exhaustion and/or hunger made managing those emotions that much more challenging.
So, to the best of my ability, I worked on showing my kids a little extra compassion when I knew they were hungry or lacking sleep, while also doing my best to ensure they got enough sleep and nutritious food.
I wasn’t always successful, and meltdowns happened, but having my own awareness helped me continue to build awareness in my kids.
I am so grateful for the rich and deep friendships both my kids and I were able to develop during this last part of our journey. I know my kids will remember their time and the meaningful friendships they made, just like I remember Miriam.
Sending love,
Mirsada
Pssssttttt….Wherever you are in your expat journey know that being an expat is complicated, but with that complication comes great opportunity for growth and self reflection, This gig isn’t easy, no one does it perfectly, since there is no such thing as perfect, but you are doing amazing and your kid is so lucky to have YOU!
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