Seeing your child thriving and successful at school and in social situations is a natural desire. One invaluable tool that the expat lifestyle can help build and strengthen is flexible thinking. Encouraging and supporting your child’s development of flexible thinking not only benefit their academic performance but also their social skills and ability to build relationships..
You may never have heard the term before but you can get a sense of what it means. Flexible thinking seems like a pretty straightforward concept, so you might be wondering why I am bringing it up. Flexible thinking is the ability to adapt to new situations, think creatively, and find multiple solutions to a problem. Some teachers help build flexible thinking in students by changing seats or scheduling disruptions. These activities require children to exercise flexible thinking skills by adjusting to something new or unexpected.
Expat kids (also referred to as third culture kids TCK) naturally have more of practice engaging in flexible thinking since they are exposed to a diverse set of customs and cultures yet this cognitive flexibility may not translate to all areas of life. Maybe you have found your child easily adapts to a new country, house and school but when it comes to forming friendships their thinking can be more rigid which complicates things for them. Sometimes the expat life and all it entails causes challenges in feeling a real sense of belonging and in figuring out where they fit in. If your child is struggling with feeling of not belonging it can impact their abilities to think flexibly and how they approach others.
If your child prefers not to do group work or gets overwhelmed in big groups they may need more support in developing their flexible thinking skills. Group work requires cognitive flexibility by giving children the opportunity to work with and find way to get along with others, as well as building problem solving skills by looking at and trying new ways of doing things. The opposite of flexible thinking is rigid thinking, this is where ones ability to consider other perspectives and solutions is limited, sometimes called black and white thinking.
Here’s an example of how your child might use flexible thinking. Imagine an tough school project that requires research, planning and creativity. If your child’s flexible thinking skills are strong they will approach this project in a variety of ways, including using different resources, collaborating with classmates, seeking guidance and advice from adults while also being open to new ideas. By contrast, a child with more rigid thinking might insist on using a specific method or only rely on their own ideas, which will limit the child’s ability to succeed in the project.
Flexible thinking also plays a significant role in the way children interacts socially. Imagine your child is with a group of friends and they decide they want to play a game, but they can’t agree on which one to play. How would your child approach this situation? If your child has more developed flexible thinking skills they might suggest a compromise, such as playing one game now and another later. If your child’s flexible thinking skills needs more support and attention they may approach this same situation in a very controlling, we play my game or I’m not playing sort of way. Children with more rigid thinking are very insistent on getting their way. Where as children who have more flexible thinking skills can go with the flow more easily, which helps prevent conflicts and builds more positive relationships with friends.
I once worked with a mother who when we were discussing and working through this topic was able to recognize some of her own challenges with flexible thinking. As we discussed what flexible and rigid thinking looked like she saw ways in which she struggled with rigid thinking. The more we explore the topic she saw how her own challenges impacted her ability to properly support her child in building and developing their own flexible thinking skills, especially in friendships that were more challenging. In our work together, we were able to identify strategies to help this mother strengthen and develop her own flexible thinking skills, which she then used helped her child navigate social situations more effectively.
Helping your child strengthen and build flexible thinking skills will not only improve academic success but also their social comfort and enjoyment, which is especially important for expat kids. If your child is struggling with flexible thinking one of the most important things you can do is validate their emotions. Managing disappointment and uncertainty is hard but helping a child feel seen and understood, makes them less likely to dwell on negative emotions. Once you have validated your child’s feelings (no matter how big or out of proportion they might be) you can encourage them to consider other perspectives and find creative solutions that will help them be successful in school and build positive relationships with others.
If you find the information I share with you weekly helpful, I would be grateful for you to share it with another expat parent. You can share this link.
Sending love,
Mirsada
Psssttt….if your child is struggling with flexible thinking, I know it can feel overwhelming. Don’t fret the little things you do to help your child strengthen and build these skills that will pay off in the long run. You got this, you are amazing and your child is so lucky to have YOU!
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