Have you ever had one of those days, you know the days where you just feel utterly stuck and hopeless. Wondering why you ever thought the expat life would be a good idea. Wondering how you could have every gotten your children into this utterly awful situation?
On days like this, how easy is it to stay calm and patient with the people you love most? If you are like most of the moms I have met, it’s not easy.
It is very human to lose your cool when you are feeling overwhelmed, defeated, and alone (even though you have people around you). I remember a mom who once felt so stressed, overwhelmed and frustrated that she took the frying pan and wanted to smash something. She didn’t but she knew in that moment, she needed more support.
Learning to control and manage your emotions is a continuous process. It is in these small daily moments you are constantly teaching and showing your child how to manage big emotions. When you can acknowledge and accept your feelings, your child learn to acknowledge and accept their own feelings.
You child is constantly learning and absorbing lessons from all of the adults around them. How you are able to navigate big feelings has a significant impact on your expat child, but teachers and school environments also are significant place of learning for your child, and not just in academics. Teacher and school who provide safe emotionally supportive environments help your child learn that they can find safety in the world outside of home.
There may be times along the expat journey where managing all the complexities feels like too much to carry alone. When you are able to acknowledge that you need support, you show your child, there is no shame in asking for help. Sometimes the best way to be able to support your child in managing their big emotions is by asking for someone to help you manage your own. In doing this, you open space within you to hold your child’s needs.
We all have limited capacities, I like to refer to this as the body budget. Each day we only have a certain amount in our budget, where we are able to share and or offload some of our needs onto someone else, we are able to free up some of our budget, which on some days may be used to better support your child.
Your child is constantly learning from you, even when you’re not explicitly teaching them. By surrounding them with healthy, emotionally regulated adults, you are helping them develop a strong sense of what healthy relationships should look like. This is especially important as expat children navigate different cultural norms and social expectations.
When you are able to model managing feelings and emotions in a healthy way, you are laying the foundation for your child to develop these skills themselves. Continue to prioritize your own emotional well-being, adequately managing your body budget and create a supportive community for your child to thrive in.
Sending love,
Mirsada
PSSSTTTT…..If you are feeling defeated, hopeless, sad, and alone, maybe even simmering in the agony of what feels like a disaster, know you are not alone. Know that there is hope and it will come in finding stillness and grounding. When you find this stillness you will be able to figure out the next right step. It usually doesn’t come in leaps, but the small steps will pull you out.
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